we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
