coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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