Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
