nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
