that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
