Plan B is the new Plan A
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
