Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
