Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
