I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Pants are for mortals
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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