Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
