What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Your penis caused this!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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