i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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