i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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