I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
