Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
