OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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