And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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