woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
