You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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