He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
