I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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