weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
