I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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