If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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