did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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