So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
