you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
