I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
