And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize