She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
