Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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