shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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