Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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