is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You're earring is so big in my mouth
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
