just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
