Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
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She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
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Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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