Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
drinking out of a sandbucket again
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
