I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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