Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is wine microwaveable?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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