the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
