just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
