yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
