i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
