Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
