maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My balls are so social today.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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