is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
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stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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