I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
