Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize