Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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