I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
