Me. At least after what I've been through.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
