this boner is exhausting
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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