Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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