He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
