What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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