even my farts smell like vagina
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
