I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
