Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.

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  (206): when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp. http://tfl.nu/bpd1
  Replies (62) Good night (770) Bad night (5610)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule

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  (512): got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule http://tfl.nu/94hw
  Replies (16) Good night (7080) Bad night (846)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"

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  (203): well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father" http://tfl.nu/5bjg
  Replies (20) Good night (1298) Bad night (5746)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?

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  (570): I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days? http://tfl.nu/o3ms
  Replies (4) Good night (3036) Bad night (1108)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.

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  (407): Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night. http://tfl.nu/ytoh
  Replies (8) Good night (4071) Bad night (879)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass

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  (903): I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass http://tfl.nu/h4q0
  Replies (10) Good night (3450) Bad night (927)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...

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  (678): Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters... http://tfl.nu/fqki
  Replies (3) Good night (951) Bad night (547)
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  (408): View more from California

  My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.

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  (408): My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now. http://tfl.nu/tbbh
  Replies (5) Good night (1432) Bad night (620)
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  (714): View more from California

  You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!

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  (714): You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue! http://tfl.nu/dw09
  Replies (5) Good night (1735) Bad night (769)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"

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  (651): We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you" http://tfl.nu/qvid
  Replies (7) Good night (740) Bad night (975)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.

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  (551): No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours. http://tfl.nu/8sve
  Replies (4) Good night (1284) Bad night (335)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.

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  (954): You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one. http://tfl.nu/l0kb
  Replies (4) Good night (423) Bad night (845)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.

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  (570): I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer. http://tfl.nu/mruj
  Replies (0) Good night (738) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.

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  (360): No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day. (1-360): You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide. http://tfl.nu/twrd
  Replies (2) Good night (1011) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.

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  (636): You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex. (314): You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her. http://tfl.nu/uk7v
  Replies (1) Good night (1419) Bad night (377)

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