Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.

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  (908): Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution. http://tfl.nu/ms1p
  Replies (2) Good night (1757) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"

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  (678): I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute" http://tfl.nu/6gqy
  Replies (10) Good night (1507) Bad night (3309)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...

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  (717): She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands... http://tfl.nu/ij5g
  Replies (42) Good night (829) Bad night (6589)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.

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  (205): Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that. http://tfl.nu/r5hc
  Replies (33) Good night (3843) Bad night (1128)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that

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  (843): I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that http://tfl.nu/xola
  Replies (7) Good night (2558) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  and you said he wasn't worth calling.

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  (515): he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer. (1-515): and you said he wasn't worth calling. http://tfl.nu/rvi9
  Replies (17) Good night (1835) Bad night (529)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.

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  (815): I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her. http://tfl.nu/4xcm
  Replies (5) Good night (846) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.

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  (951): diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me. http://tfl.nu/ieik
  Replies (12) Good night (2998) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).

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  (310): Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok). http://tfl.nu/yawu
  Replies (2) Good night (801) Bad night (282)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you

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  (740): No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you http://tfl.nu/56sg
  Replies (1) Good night (967) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  was I really that bad?

  (616): View more from Michigan

  you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage

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  (231): was I really that bad? (616): you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage http://tfl.nu/4ubm
  Replies (1) Good night (606) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.

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  (712): I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple. http://tfl.nu/5d4d
  Replies (1) Good night (753) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?

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  (519): Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot? http://tfl.nu/ltik
  Replies (3) Good night (335) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.

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  (412): Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports. http://tfl.nu/8p8a
  Replies (1) Good night (503) Bad night (254)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.

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  (763): I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus. http://tfl.nu/3187
  Replies (0) Good night (188) Bad night (302)

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