naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
