I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
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WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
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I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.