Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck