Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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