I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
is it fun? or sober?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
