Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.

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(619): View more from California

It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(205): View more from Alabama

WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES

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(503): View more from Oregon

Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.

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(806): View more from Texas

Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there

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(708): View more from Illinois

who are you talking about my vagina to?!

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(807): View more from Ontario

We're not ready for visitors right now.

(1-807): View more from Ontario

wtf? who's we?

(807): View more from Ontario

The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.

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