I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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