dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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