Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
