dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
