I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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