I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
