is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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