Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
