that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
