I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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