Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
