A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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