so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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