He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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