sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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