what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
